Heart to Heart: The Rasa of Anger: Listening and attending to our needs

Anger is probably the feeling many of us are most uncomfortable with. At least it is for me. In my life violence and aggression were always associated with reducing one self’s esteem, and being in physical danger. In my culture it was acceptable to use violent resources like screaming or hitting to correct children. To a child, this destroys not only self-esteem but also the sense of trust in others and in the environment. So, the prospect of me feeling angry was never easy to manage. I’ll always try to hide my anger and push it down myself. But this turned out to be detrimental to my health by accumulating stress in my spine and creating back pain and digestive system difficulties.

So how can we deal with this fire within us? This sudden volcano erupting within us that sometimes makes us lose our heads and act violently or viciously? To deal with anger, we need to know and understand what it is. It is one of our natural emotions, and it’s necessary to accept it. In one of our Rasamaya classes, as we tried to find the origin of anger, someone suggested that it was the trespassing of one or more of our boundaries. As I told this to one of my teachers later on, he suggested taking it a step deeper: it is a need that is not being satisfied and that doesn’t seem likely to be fulfilled soon. This need can be on any level: physical, emotional, financial, relationship, etc. Our anger is simply an alarm mechanism that something is not right and needs immediate attention.

Anger by itself is not a problem, the problem is that we don’t let it flow and so it ends up hurting us or others when repressed or used in unhealthy ways. It can lead easily to violence and hurt others physically or emotionally. So, how to let flow if it feels to be so powerful? Laughter is surely a way to transform it by allowing us to see things from a different perspective. If you’re mad at something, can you see the funny side? Sometimes we take things too seriously and might be triggered easily. Laughter will definitely lighten things up. However, the underlying need still needs to be tended to, but you can look at this when you’re a bit more peaceful instead of in the middle of an internal eruption.

Allowing and acceptance ease things very much as well, especially when we’re angry because of something we can’t do anything about. Just a few hours ago, I heard a story from Opening the Door to your Heart about a young Tibetan monk that was given the task of wash an enormous pile of laundry. The monk was painfully going through the task, fuming while working on his pile of clothes, because he was tired and thought this was an injustice from the Abbot. It was not until another monk who came to help him suggested to him that doing the task was much easier than thinking about it, that the young monk found peace by focusing in what had to be done. This way, his anger and pain disappeared. Allowing the fact that he needed to do the task and accepting it took care of this young monk’s anger and frustration.

Another way to deal with anger, especially repressed anger, is to simply face it, but this requires more inner commitment. We need to allow ourselves to let it flow through us and listen deep within to find the unfulfilled need. This might require the help of a professional so that we feel safe during our exploration and we don’t hurt ourselves or others. Anger can turn into rage if not dealt with it properly and this can also be stored within. Some of us might also be attached to anger as a way to feel powerful, because it is raw power we’re dealing with, and we might enjoy intimidating others and feel dominating by using it against others. But at the end, if we don’t deal with the underlying cause, this power will feel empty and unfulfilling and will only lead to hurt ourselves and others.

Anger also asks for one thing: Self care. We are the ones who need to satisfy our needs. We are the ones who need to take care of ourselves. We are the ones responsible for our own well-being at every level. When my youngest son was just a few months old, I found myself being constantly irritated by my daughter’s behavior. Everything she did was wrong and I constantly yelled at her, even though she was only a couple of years old. I felt very bad with this, but my irritation would carry me over. It was until I realized that I wasn’t having enough rest, proper food, and enough physical activity that I realized that I was losing my temper with my children. Since this realization, I vowed to put my needs first so that I wouldn’t be that angry monster any more to my children. My whole family has enjoyed the benefits of this.  So next time you start to feel irritated, you can ask yourself: “What is it that I need that I’m not giving myself?” When you find the answer to this, and start satisfying this need, you’ll feel a lot better.

-Lilia Flores

A Rasamaya Yoga instructor, Lilia loves connecting spiritual science with physical facts to help people to deepen their understanding of themselves. Reach her at i.am.truly.me@gmail.com

Heart to Heart: Rasa of Sadness: Dealing with Loss

Sadness is a feeling that has been given a ‘bad’ reputation in many cultures. Whenever we feel down, or depressed, this is seen as ‘not good,’ or as something that needs to be ‘fixed immediately.’ At least that’s how I was brought up. But what is sadness really? As I understand, sadness is simply our response to loss: something dear to us has been removed, either by choice or not. The more involved we were with whatever it is that we need to say good-bye to, the harder it is to let it go. Disappointment represents also a loss of expectations about a certain outcome, and thus is a form of sadness.

What are our current responses to being sad? I was taught to think of something funny or beautiful as a distraction. My family usually makes me laugh in an attempt to bring me out of it. Rage might also be a response, and if it continues to be fueled by repressed sadness this could lead to vengeance and war. Another way that is quite popular is to numb ourselves, since we just don’t want to feel. But this process adds toxins into our system that accumulate as we continue to ignore, freeze and bury our sadnesses deep within us, trying to avoid dealing with this emotion or showing a ‘strong’ face to the world and not having have time to feel. By looking at statistics of heart health, I feel this is specially true for men.

In order for sadness to really clear from the system, however, we need to allow our tears to flow. The heart needs to mourn its loss. It’s simply acknowledging that is missing something dear, and by letting it feel it, we’re honoring this separation. If it’s not dealt with, and continues to be carried over, it could lead to depression, which affects our brains and well-being more seriously (of course, depression can be caused by other factors as well).

We have been dealing with loss since ancient times. Even Neanderthal people had memorial burials. They felt their pain and needed a way to express it. Burials and possibly ceremonies allowed them to do it. We have been doing it too, but at some point we think it isn’t right to feel sad anymore for whatever reason, and decide to escape from it. Yes, sadness is not pleasant, but in order to allow ourselves to live with open hearts, it’s necessary to understand its language and honor what it needs.

To begin dealing with sadness, it’s good to have some company that knows how to listen, truly listen. These people won’t ask questions, they won’t say a word, but they will stay there for you. A trained therapist is an excellent starting point since they can offer more support. If there’s none around, you can also allow yourself to drop some tears by pouring your heart out on paper and let everything come out. Don’t hold it in. Let it out. You can destroy your writing later, just give your sadness an exit and let your heart feel. Since we experience loss in many ways: outgrowing our favorite toys, breaking something we loved dearly, moving to a different location, changing jobs, changing groups, changing cars, etc., we have opportunities to let feelings flow more often than we think. Being with small children is also a good way to learn to deal with sadness and disappointment. Children can’t hide what they feel, so just being with them and letting them shed their tears without you trying to change this can help both ways: the child will feel supported in acknowledging her feelings and you’ll learn to listen, which is also an invaluable skill, and very much needed these days. As a mother, this has been very helpful. There’s still a long way to go, but I can see the difference in my children.

Finally, after the tears have been shed down and the sadness has been dealt with, something dear and precious comes out of this: the joy for life. Isn’t this worth trying anything for? 

-Lilia Flores

A Rasamaya Yoga instructor, Lilia loves connecting spiritual science with physical facts to help people to deepen their understanding of themselves. Reach her at i.am.truly.me@gmail.com

Heart to Heart: Facing the Rasa of Fear: Part II

How can you deal with this rasa if you’re in the middle of it? When you’re petrified, anguished, terrified, where do you even begin? These are some of the tools that have proved to be extremely helpful in dealing with this rasa in day to day situations.

The first thing is to start to reconnect back to the breath and to take deep long breaths. Since the breath becomes shallower and the heart rate accelerates, it’s very helpful to allow more air to come into the system. Once calmer, a decision needs to be made: is it time for something new, or is it necessary to go back into the comfort zone? This step requires something that many of us have been taught to ignore: self love. 'Is it possible to forgive my mistakes? Is it possible to believe in myself? Can I be by my own side and love myself during this process?' The decision to step back or forward is up to each one of us, and it’s never wrong. It’s simply an indication of growth and awareness to say if we’re ready for the next step or not. We all blossom at our own time, so it’s extremely important to have self compassion during this natural process.

Taking care of the physical body is also very helpful. If there’s an internal tendency to stress too much and become anxious, it would be good to reduce stimulants like sugar or caffeine, and to exercise, sweat, meditate, breathe fresh air or do yoga to help clean the body of toxins produced by excessive stress. This will help support the nervous system and regain clarity.

As the connection with ourself gets stronger, it is equally important to remember that we’re never alone. We may have family or friends that love us and support us so this is a good time to reach for them. Experts are also available, books, information and, of course, spirituality such as praying or meditating, which in my experience gives tremendous support.

Changing perspective and breaking the challenge in front of us into smaller tasks makes it more manageable as well. Fear is conquered with action, but action comes forth as courage emerges. Creating a plan helps tremendously to organize ideas to face the situation but true power emerges when we actually do it. The plan might need tweaking as we go along, but with confidence and support fear vanishes as we move along. This is where faith appears. Faith and fear are based on the same premise: believing in something that you can’t see. As we build support and find encouragement we simply know that we have everything we need to face the challenge.

But the complete eradicator of fear is actually surrender. Surrender means to synchronize, not to give up or give in. Chakras don’t close, they stay open. A situation is not seen as a threat but as an invitation to act differently and we do so in the moment. We remain calm, present and alert. We act according to what is needed at the moment without further question, even when no action is required at all! This step requires complete trust and faith in oneself, in the situation, and the process and whatever power is behind it. There’s no struggle and no fight, simply acceptance.

I’ve found that the best ways to build all the stages above is to be in situations where our positive responses can be called forth. Yoga is wonderful for it. For example, warrior poses and backbends help develop courage, while balancing and inversions help in strengthening our self-confidence. Surrender can also be developed with flows, finding your own rhythm and going with it. There’s total bliss at some point when the synchronicity is found. The more often we get in touch with these feelings, the easier it is to evoke them, and thus we can bring them forward to our daily life. This is how yoga can be applied in our daily lives. Want to try?

-Lilia Flores

A Rasamaya Yoga instructor, Lilia loves connecting spiritual science with physical facts to help people to deepen their understanding of themselves. Reach her at i.am.truly.me@gmail.com

Heart to Heart: Facing the Rasa of Fear: Part I

Even as I am trying to write about fear, I feel hesitance, resistance and I don’t want to even think about it! And that’s because I’ve been submerged in this rasa for the past 4 to 6 weeks and finally starting to come out of it. I feel that I have been in darkness, cold, loneliness and an extreme amount of stress. Depending on the situation, my response to fear varies, but this past event left me frozen to my core. The help that I was counting on vanished and I found myself in the middle of what felt like a living nightmare.  I got the flu for good 3 weeks, my exercise was limited, my ability to meditate decreased and my self-care simply vanished. I couldn’t write, nothing would please me and my ability to enjoy life disappeared. It was very sad. Yes, fear, can be indeed a very dark place and it’s not comfortable at all, but it’s part of ourselves and we need to learn from it as well.

In an effort now to view the situation differently, I’m allowing now fear to express itself through me as I continue to face it. There’s an internal need of wanting to understand it to see where it’s leading. Fear, as well as all other rasas, is part of our human repertoire of emotions and signals. So accepting them, understanding them and knowing how to deal with them are part of our own growth not only as persons, but as a species. So here’s what I’ve found that I’d like now to share with you in hopes that this information may also be helpful to someone else.

Fear is a major stressor that may trigger negative (anger, anxiety, denial, rage, victimhood, freezing, cowardice) or positive responses (courage, creativity, hope, confidence, faith, surrender). Surviving the process, and specially recovering the connection with oneself and reality, can last any length of time from seconds to years depending on the situation. For example, in a sudden life-threatening situation, our responses will probably arrive instantly as our survival instinct kicks in, while in a day-to-day situation we might be afraid of something for years without facing it directly.

How each one of us experiences fear varies according to how we perceive life and our own self-confidence, among other things. Fear can be seen as an alarm signal that tells us that we’re either going beyond our comfort zone or we’re in an immediate threat. It is our human response that indicates that we’re in unknown territory or something is simply not right. Fear affects the first and fourth chakras, since we perceive a threat from the environment (first chakra) causing our heart rate and breathing to accelerate (fourth chakra) in order to respond quickly. All other chakras are affected as well, but these are the ones that respond immediately.

Fear is uncomfortable to make sure we’re not ignoring it. But in our daily lives it’s also an invitation to grow. It tells us that we’re about to face something new and it’s up to us to decide if we’re ready to move forward, or if we need to step back and get stronger before we face the situation again, because it will repeat itself (ever had the feeling of ‘oh, no, not this again’?). In her book Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, Susan Jeffers mentions that all of our fears can be traced down to one single origin: our fear in our own capability of dealing with a situation. But we won’t know what we’re capable of until we decide face the challenge. And this is a personal decision every single time. We decide where we want to move, and is a natural part of our own growth.

-Lilia Flores

A Rasamaya Yoga instructor, Lilia loves connecting spiritual science with physical facts to help people to deepen their understanding of themselves. Reach her at i.am.truly.me@gmail.com

Heart to Heart: Do Less to Do More

Rasamaya’s theme going into 2012 was not to accept "less than" in any aspect of our lives.  It was all about proving “we can,” and trying out new things in our effort to find our truth as a business. As such, it proved to be a year of true adventure for Rasamaya. We expanded into our new space in Newburyport which is now booming, we tried out different billing formats and settled on a new sliding scale to make our classes more affordable and we took the initial launch steps with our cancer, veterans, prenatal and kids program.  We tried out a spa line and a youtube channel, and I went all over the country meditating, teaching, researching and listening. All of this growth was possible because of your support and the support of our amazing team of talented teachers, managers and support staff.

After all this exploration in 2012 I have decided that the theme for 2013 is "Do Less to Do More." As a business owner I have literally tried out just about everything a business of our nature can do. At the end of this rainbow of trial and tribulation is the true pot of gold—the realization that sometimes doing less means really means accomplishing more. It goes so much deeper than just business—how often do we have to learn that lesson in our lives before we really get it? I, like so many of us, stack my plate full with too many commitments in my effort to be more, to more people, all the time. One of the great gifts of my journey cross-country was the realization that it's not necessary. That everything you need is truly right in front of you, that more does not necessarily equal better. But boy oh boy, is that a hard habit to break, both personally and professionally. Where do we learn that habit? Is it part of our culture to be constantly busy and occupied, to perceive ourselves as somehow progressing when we're probably not? It's food for thought.

My team moves into 2013 with a plan. We know what we are doing, we are clear on what our charitable initiatives are, and we know what works for Rasamaya in terms of classes and client demand. Over the next year you will notice us subtly streamlining our offerings, getting down to the nuts and bolts, to be the best of who we are and what we offer to the communities we serve within our existing studios.  The year 2013 will also be a year of expansion within this new model with some new studios coming on board. In 2013 we are about abundance, simplicity and as always love, love, love. 

Cheers to you and yours this 2013 and remember it's the people in your life that matter first and foremost. I hope you can find the time to do less so you can do more.

love. love. love.

Carrie