Heart to Heart: Riding the Wheel

I have fallen off the wagon. The ‘do-nothing’ wagon, that is. I realized today very suddenly that my resolutions had fallen away and I had got caught up again in the ever-turning wheel of things that need to be done, as if I could somehow slow or stop this wheel from turing. But this wheel never stops, or slows—all I can do is step away from it for a rest before it grinds me down like a millstone grinding flour.

The problem with riding this merry-go-round is that I wind myself up with lists and chores and actions to take, and then take my frantic revolutions out on the people I love most. I make them ride this wheel too, and maybe they will start to think that they can only be loved for what they do, not who they are. I know how this feels, and I know how wrong it is. So the only thing to do is to jump off, now!

Resting every day is a chance to be still and unproductive, like a fallow field. I’ll grow and harvest more, if I rest regularly. I may not do some things, but perhaps I’ll actually have a better experience and leave a better impression on my children this way. I just need to keep not doing.

-- Tristan Boyer Binns
Tristan Boyer Binns is a Certified Iyengar Yoga Teacher. She teaches in Newtonville, MA, and loves the slightly dreamy, unfocused look students have coming out of Savasana. When people have that look and also a buzz of energy in their hearts and limbs, she knows the class has been a good one!

Heart to Heart: Eureka!

For a week, I scheduled ‘do nothing’ time into my daily calendar. The week was a calm success. I got chores done without stress—often without noticing!  Another really interesting thing about this whole experiment happened during a weekend-long workshop, twelve hours split over two days. Normally I really push myself to perform and I won’t shut up and let other people have center stage. I feel I need to have center stage myself. I really decided that during this weekend of teacher training I didn’t need to say anything. The woman running it, who is a world-famous yoga teacher, said, “You don’t have to teach if you don’t want to.” So I didn’t. I decided to let other people teach, and I listened as a student. I learned, and absorbed.

I did this very consciously. It worked out very well. I raised my hand and spoke three times over two days, and otherwise I simply participated. It was a really wonderful experience.

One of the things I have been struggling with is what path to pursue as a teacher. I was able to talk with my mentor at the end of the weekend and talk about this. I explained that I am thinking I don’t want to pursue the intensity of the assessment track at this point. I’m not closing it down as a future option, but it’s not right for now. I am really enjoying working with restorative yoga, a more meditative approach.

She was delighted! This was a very gratifying reaction. She said I have to follow my own path and my own heart, and if I teach from my heart I won’t go wrong. The whole exchange took a few minutes, but I have been thinking about it for months.  

I feel like the time I’ve had to reflect and not do, the meditation practice I’ve been working with, and generally trying to be so much less goal-driven has started to pay off. I could wait for my moment and then frame my point, and say what I needed to say more clearly than I have in the past.

It feels like the way scientists describe the Eureka! Moment—like Archimedes in the bath. Instead of worrying at the problem like the proverbial dog and bone, you stop and lay down the problem, move on to other things and let the brain go into a flow state of being. Then the solution comes to go in a moment of insight. You get out of your own way. My relaxation experiment has so far been a great success on this front as well.

- Tristan Boyer Binns
Tristan Boyer Binns is a Certified Iyengar Yoga Teacher. She teaches in Newtonville, MA, and loves the slightly dreamy, unfocused look students have coming out of Savasana. When people have that look and also a buzz of energy in their hearts and limbs, she knows the class has been a good one!

Heart to Heart: A Gift in Disguise

I lost my voice. And my Type-A personality is not too happy about this.

I don't really have time to be sick, especially not to lose my voice.  I have clients to meet with, yoga to teach, blog posts and newsletters to write; I have a half-marathon to train for; I have this cleanse I am facilitating and need to be well for and I am a mom!   Do you ever feel this way?

Talk about a wake up call.

I've been burning the candle at both ends, putting so much pressure on myself to try to catch up with my mile-long to-do list, stay on top of emails, work on curriculum, grow my business... but what about self-care? My body is clearly telling me (or maybe it was even yelling at me, which is why I lost my voice?): SLOW DOWN!

I'm starting to realize that I really do need to schedule in self-care. Literally look at my week and block out specific times for exercise, yoga, even bed-time, as opposed to pushing these aside every time something else arises. Just as I encourage my family, friends and clients to prioritize their health, I need to do the same. And although I initially felt grumpy and frustrated with my body over the weekend, those feelings dissipated as I paused, breathed and recognized the beautiful gift in disguise. No 10-mile run on Saturday with friends, no yoga teaching on Sunday, had to postpone a session with a client. But I went to bed early three nights in a row, watched Jack skate his little heart out with joy and tenacity at his ice-skating practice, went for an adventurous walk with both kids in the crisp air and sunshine, read books with Sadie, drank mug after mug of hot water with lemon and grated ginger.

I surrendered into the present moment and allowed the weight on my shoulders to lift a little as I took some time to nourish myself.  Yes, not fun that it took me getting sick to force me to take a break. However, as opposed to judging myself and beating myself up, I am choosing to look at this experience as a gentle yet extremely valuable reminder for me. The to-do list will always be there. The most important piece is that I take care of myself, nourish my spirit and fuel my body so that I can show up for my life with strength, authenticity, passion and energy.  

Thank you, voice, for disappearing for a little while and helping me to reconnect with my inner stillness. If you are also a Type-A personality, could it be time for you to slow down and get onto your yoga mat? Perhaps take a moment to look at your life-balance right now. What self-care practices can you schedule in for yourself this week to boost your health?

— Annie Wagoner
Annie Wagoner is a Mom, Holistic Health Counselor, Yoga & Pilates Instructor, Rasamaya Teacher, Office Manager/Chiropractic Assistant,  Writer, Lover of Movement and a Foodie. For more information about her classes and workshops on health coaching, yoga, Pilates, and deep core nourishment, check out www.yourcorenourishment.com.

Heart to Heart: Learning to Relax

I need to relax more. I mean this in every sense - life has been particularly wonderfully full and challenging for the past few years, and it’s taking me some work to let go now that I don’t need to be ‘on’ constantly. I seem to be stuck in fight-or-flight. This may sound familiar. I have become a multi-tasking modern mom, yoga teacher, chauffeur, reluctant cook, laundry expert, amateur nurse, travel agent, interior decorator, contractor—in short, I am now a human doing, not a human being. As Thich Nhat Hanh says so eloquently, why not rethink: “Don’t just sit there, do something” becomes “Don’t just do something, sit there.”

So, what does it feel like to relax?  I think first of visceral sensations—the shudder through my body as I step into a hot bath. The more painful but still pleasant feeling of a strong muscle stretch, when it ends and the whole bone, tendon, muscle—even the skin—lets go. How I let the habitual tension around and behind my eyes go when I really cuddle my kids. The all-is-right-with-the-world feeling when I get back into the warm bed in the middle of the night next to my sleeping husband. How my ears feed my breath sometimes, such as when hearing the waves at the seashore, or listening to Bach, especially the cello suites. That silky skin feeling after a massage, when it seems like all the hairs and cells have laid down evenly. The smell of cooking onions as I walk into the house on a winter evening, or how my feet feel walking on crunchy leaves or fresh springy grass.

Beyond the body, ‘relax’ gets deeper into my self. If I can leave behind the monkey mind, and bring my breath way inside, I can let the cells relax too. Let go of my gripping to stay together and remain in control. Realize the truth that I am no more or less in control than any living thing is, or isn’t.

What does ‘relax’ mean to you? I have made this my 2012 challenge: to increase relaxation personally, and to spread this around in my teaching. Starting now: today, sitting in silence in an outwardly unproductive manner for a while. I can be inwardly unproductive too. I can just be, breathe, and be. I challenge you to be unproductive for a little while as well. Let go and declare victory!

-- Tristan Boyer Binns

Tristan Boyer Binns is a Certified Iyengar Yoga Teacher. She teaches in Newtonville, MA, and loves the slightly dreamy, unfocused look students have coming out of Savasana. When people have that look and also a buzz of energy in their hearts and limbs, she knows the class has been a good one!